JIB RETRO: Deola's Year of Self-Love
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Ms Deola and I have known each other for quite some time now, when she shared her opinions about my retro note (click here if you missed it), I convinced her to send hers in too. Deola also has a daily inspirational blog, www.adlivelife.blogspot.com, you should check on it.
She soared through a lot of murkiness this year, enjoy her piece, learn from her lessons, experiences and please leave your comments.
Be inspired!
This is the first time I am doing this and it was inspired by Patience Joy Ijehon; thank you so much for sharing yours with me and also talking me into doing one for myself, I appreciate it. I will also like to mention a few people that made this year memorable for me, starting with my loving and amicable mother Olufunke Adunni Oladele, a jewel amongst women, I love you so much; my loving, caring and very protective brothers, Oluwasegun and Temiloluwa, you guys rock, my ever remaining father, I love you. My second parents Pastor & Pastor Mrs. Siju, you both is the best thing that ever happened to my life, I love you. Dare Fenwa, I can’t qualify or quantify the love that I have for you, Damilola Fenwa, aggy yet sweet, Taiye Fadojutimi, Dapo Adeagbo, Fela Oyeneyin, Lade and Mayowa Adeagbo, to mention but a few.
You people are the ones that made my year go round and the reason that my sanity remains. And this one special person, the reason I can even call my name, the one that makes my heart tinkles, the reason I have to wake up every morning, the smile on my face, the joy in my heart, the love of my life, wondering who I am talking about?..lol; it is none other than the beginning of the end, the fourth man in the fiery furnace, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The reason I can write this is because He gave me the ability to and words alone cannot describe or pronounce my love for Him, I can go on and on talking about Him. why?! Because despite all my short comings, dirtiness and filthiness, He loves me regardless, so why won’t I be madly in love with Him? I want to thank you father for loving me with all my flaws, sins and all.
The year started with January 2015 coming with a whole lot of new promises, I was settling down in my new job getting to know the people that I worked with and learning what it means to take responsibility. For the first time in my life, I decided to actually take a responsibility upon myself and I thank God that He has been giving me the grace to continue. Also to this point, I was getting acquainted with my now ex fiancé. We had just met about a month ago, and things was actually looking good; at work, I was enjoying being the star in my team, and I can say that January was a good month.
February came with its challenges, the month of love. At this point, I had accepted fully the fact that my boyfriend was in Nigeria but it was a huge challenge having a boyfriend over 16000 miles away; you know, no fantasy of going out together and all the specks that was supposed to accompany being in a relationship. Also at this point, I had made a blunder at work and my boss had started to react differently to me. I mean what do I know, I just innocently said the right thing in the wrong context and to the wrong people which eventually led to the sudden change in behavior, but even though February was proving a little bit challenging, I was holding on to hope that surely the year would get better as it goes, I mean it’s not that bad, and things can definitely not get worse than it already was.
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| Family |
March came with a lot of inner happiness and joy at things that I could not identify even till this moment; I was always excited, started to pay attention to my looks even more, dress sense was changing, I was willing to actually take classes in make up so as to better myself and it was proving interesting. I mean if you had seen me a year before, I looked a hot mess, had no interest in who I was or want to be, just leaving life for today; but at this point, I was starting to actually get the hang of dressing and looking presentable at least on Sundays…lol.. because other days, I still look a bum. At this point the relationship life was getting interesting with its own challenges and I begin to see things that I didn’t think I could live with; I just kept sweeping them under the ground “esteem ish, why can’t I make this work?”
April came, the boo was talking about getting married in December, I wasn’t sure it a decision I wanted to make yet, so confusion set in between what I wanted and what I needed. Then I had to make a decision between having to go to Nigeria in the middle of the year or wait till the end of the year to meet the fiancé, I was caught between meeting and knowing what to do before time runs out. I decided to go in July for the purpose of certainty, knowing if the relationship is worth pursuing before actually going further. At the point emotions were mixed, confusion setting in and was holding on to the last hope.
May was a little bit interesting and challenging, there was to be a huge training at my job for medical residents training for the month of June and everybody had to get on board; we had to learn four different modules in the frame of one month and worked under duress. It was very challenging because it basically made everyone uncomfortable, learning these applications with really interesting. just Instructional Designers who didn’t think it was ok to make the applications easy for us to actually cover, so I was finding it hard to adjust to that particular application, which caused more rift between my boss and I, and it just wouldn’t get any better.
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| JoyWin |
June started the residents training and the trainers had to train at least 10 – 12 people in a day, I especially felt not appreciated and bad because I was given the huge weight and the boss didn’t even notice this. I thank God that all the classes I had had no complaints whatsoever, the whole of June was also used as a reminisce of what had happened, how I am finally grateful for being in a relationship (blinded by desperation), anxiety had set in for the following month, started buying things to take on the journey but was gradually losing all interest in my job. Well finally I bought my first car from money saved up previously which helped to easily purchase the car. Around that time, I started a blog, through my love for writing but I wasn’t into it as much as I thought I would so I basically just let it lie there with no follow up; I felt pushed and wanted to reach out but a lot was on my mind that took me away from writing.
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| My First Car |
Fast forward to July 11th, I was on my way to Nigeria. Yes, it finally came!! I was excited to be going home, to see my sweet family and the boo. Excitement dwindled a little when the boo said he won’t be at the airport but a part of me felt it could be a trick, until it became a reality. The journey to Nigeria was an eye opener to the future ahead and the beginning of a decision that had to be made. I reunited with couple old friends, I got to meet my very dear friend, Oluwabukunolami and her now husband, I am happy for you guys *big grin*.
Joy came visiting, I didn’t expect her to but it was exciting to see her. The truth of relationship dawned on me at this point and I was in the middle of going forward or breaking off, we quarreled a lot, agreed a little. In the midst of our quarreling, he proposed! A lot of people have asked me time and time again why I accepted the ring and my answer remained constant (don’t get ideas, I am not putting it here…lol).
I left Nigeria with two decisions to make, continue and risk an unknown future, or break off and risk being alone.
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| The famous Engagement Ring |
August, was interesting in its own lovely way. It was the month of our annual church convention and the choir had been preparing hugely for it; everyone was excited and anticipating to get blessed through that programme because it always comes with a lot of blessing
The church had done a lot of preparation towards that programme and it was truly a blessing.
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| Convention 2015, Funmi & I |
The month of September was very challenging, both at work and in my relationship, it was a struggle to communicate. I had lost the speck and the last bit of the excitement was completely gone. Initially I had suggested to the boo that we should try being friends to see if that would salvage the relationship but he won’t have any of it. The relationship started to be a hustle, quarrel every other day, I was losing my mind, my relationship with God was hitting the rocks, I couldn’t even pray! I was filled with confusion. At this point, the only decision I had to make was known to me but then came the challenge of how to break the news, to him and his sister. Concentrating so much on the relationship shifted my gears away from school and my courses, which led to failing a course. I fully took to delving into my blog and I started writing on a daily basis as much as I got the inspiration.
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| Who are you in the society? |
October was just there, my speck for life was slowly fading away, the things that would excite me originally stopped exciting me, I strongly believe that that was the most challenging month for me this year, I was losing everything that I held dear, I stopped taking care of myself, and many more. I basically had no interest in living life.
November, my favorite month in every year, not only because it is the month of my birthday, but also because there is a significance to that month in my life; I don’t know how to break that down. November 2nd is my birthday; normally, I am always excited a few weeks before my birthday but this year was very different. There was no excitement whatsoever, to me, it was just another day in the year but that day came with a lot of love from friends and family that cared. I felt blessed with all the people around me, I even got a dinner date from the boo’s sister and a cake from the boo. It was special, another amazing thing about this birthday is that it was the year I expected less from people but the year that I got more and I am grateful to God for that. After my birthday, I couldn’t take the unhappiness I felt in my relationship, so I ended it, broke up with the boo and faced me, focused on me and my happiness. I had been holding onto it for many wrong reasons anyways. At this point, at the height of my confusion, I had lost interest in writing and the year was just fading away into obnoxiousness.
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| First birthday gift |
December, my December, I found this new me that was exciting and free and hopeful and wanting and beautiful, I made a pact with myself that I would be who I want to be without feeling a need to be completed or compatible with anybody. And I tell you boldly today, since I made that decision, it has been the best I made this year, and I have been finding out things about myself that I had no clue of. My love for me started to grow, I started to care less about what people think of me, but about what God thinks. I must confess it is way easier to live for the consciousness of God than for the consciousness of men because God has no evil in Him. Finally, I was able to understand what it meant to be me, I started working towards those things that I love to do, like planning events *winks* yes I love doing that. And I successfully planned a wedding for a friend in church. It was nice, can’t wait to actually plan more *big grin*
So Merry Christmas in arrears and Happy new year in Advance.
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| Carol night feeling fly |
So in 2015, I have learned, lived, loved, hurt, cried, danced, rejoiced, planned, smiled, cried again, but in all, I give thanks to God who is the reason for my existence, the reason I can open my mouth and speak, the reason I can boldly say that I have life, the author and finisher of my faith. Who am I without Him? Amazing is who you are to me. He is my father, my friend, my confidant, my advisor, my teacher, my helper, my lover, my everything and I am grateful for all. I am looking forward to what 2016 has in stock for me, hopeful that it will be better. *winks*
If you'd also like to share your 2015 retro note, please send a mail to joyijehon@gmail.com and we will share your note.
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