Keeping up with the 'Me' in 'US'

Relationships nowadays are rife with pain, hurt and distrust rather than love, peace, a sense of fulfillment and such beautiful harmony that tends to draw us in, in the first place. More often, the parties leave each other broken, abused and in serious hurt, often leading to statements like, 'all men are pigs', 'women are just heartless gold diggers' etc. How can this be avoided? What's the root cause of this seemingly indestructible virus creeping into our relationships?

The first part of the picture shows a lady on a bicycle with a rod in her hand.

I like to think this depicts us as humans on our life's journey, trudging along, meeting other folk on their own bicycles with luggage we think are too heavy for them. Human nature is intrinsically compassionate and in our bid to be nice, friendly, not alone, we take on their baggage on our journey. 

The relationship scenario immediately comes to mind (either business, religious, social, or other forms of relationships). When we notice traits we don't like and should reject, but we accept them with hope that the other party would change. We do stuff we promised ourselves not to do, we make decisions that affect us more as individuals than it would as a part of a relationship. We forget to allow the other party in our relationship deal with their baggage due to the thrill of finally being in a relationship at all.

The second part of the picture is when we try to cover up the other party's shortcomings. Making excuses for their excesses, hoping against all hope that they would change, thinking the relationship will not be as parasitic anymore and so on and so forth. We hide the irresponsibility of our partner(s) under the guise of long term investments, our bid to save face and not look like we gave up too soon. Days roll into months and then into years, still you are holding on to the hope that they'd hold up their part of the deal. Holding on, hanging fiercely to the shreds of what's left of your fantasy.

The third part is what ultimately happens; the CRASH!

After all has been said and done, we get to the point where we burn out. We've given all that we can to a relationship that is now highly imbalanced and when the scales are uneven, one end crashes.

Worst of is the blame game! She decided that "All men were pigs" even though she has all along been setting herself up for that crash. Still, she refuses to see that we are solely responsible for our destinies. Other people, loved ones, colleagues, neighbors, are really secondary; You as an individual is your priority

Take charge of your destiny, be responsible for yourself and love them enough to allow them take responsibility for theirs. There was a time in my life, where I took on other people's cases like a Community Lawyer, until I realized that people needed to learn their own lessons, fight their battles and stand for themselves.

I always say 'You can only give what you have"; but if you are bankrupt, then what are you gonna give?

The point is, whenever you are in a relationship, do not get so caught up with the 'Us' that you end up neglecting the 'Me'.  Else, you'd be setting yourself up for a huge crash!

Just take time out, build on yourself, discover who you are while you contribute meaningfully and honestly to whatever kinda relationship you become a part of.

If you came into the relationship with a clean slate, what is on your slate one year down the line? It is all marvelous to develop a relationship, have fun and good times, but who wants someone who hasn't evolved with the time? How have you improved your life since you got in the partnership, what benefits has the great friend helped you accomplish, what battles has your knight helped you win? 

While giving your quota to this amazing relationship that you have, do not neglect yourself.

Never, ever, ever, lose sight of the 'YOU' that went into the relationship!

xxx

#Relationships
#Love&Life
#Individuality
#FindingSelf
#SelfDevelopment


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