#DazzalSeries 3.0 - How Dare You?!

For a while now, I would share some thoughts on my WhatsApp called “Dazzal Series”.
I decided to bring it on here because the reception on there has been so good and I felt like the blog posts would allow me be more explicit in my explanations than the WhatsApp Status would.

I already have two posts up from the #DazzalSeries, click here and here if you missed it.

Having said that, let’s get right in to what we have to discuss today which is……*inserts drumrolls*….. ASSUMPTIONS!!

We’ve often heard people say Assumption is the worst form of knowledge, yeah?
I found a definition which says “Assumption is anything that is accepted to be true or certain to happen without PROOF”.

Isn’t it infuriating when someone opens their mouth and begins to spew untrue statements about you?

The other day while walking from my office to the park, after work, a colleague was just telling me how I spent my money and the reasons why I didn’t own a car…plenty other assumptions that I just went “Waawu” in astonishment on how well informed this person about when it was my first time having a conversation with him.

The sneaky thing about assuming is that we are so quick to pick on it when someone else assumes about us that we rarely ever know it when we are the culprits. It’s easy to shake one’s head and think “This one is just assuming. Kontinu” while we don’t always think we may also be assuming about things from the mundane to the very important parts of our lives.

Meagan Good, in “The Wait” a book she co-authored with her husband, says assumption is living with the implications and expectations that are not supported by reality.
We assume that we know why we are here, why they are friends with us or supporting us or even why they are asking us to be bae.
I know someone whose ex came back and she assumed that this time, he had come to stay but….Oh! Was she wrong?

I’ve been in a relationship and even had friends who I assumed knew exactly how I felt but NEH! They didn’t know. We assume that Mr A should be a certain way and Ms B had better learned to be this way or that style when they never got the memo.

Instead, we need to sufficiently communicate what our expectations and thoughts are to our loved ones. They are important so we have to make sure they know, not just assume that they do. I have even had thoughts where I felt Peter, for example, should know what to do because if I were in his shoes, this or that is how I would have handled the situation differently but the truth though is that Peter is not me, neither am I Peter.

Y’al should know about love languages, abi?

My bad. 

That was an assumption that I just made. Please if you don’t know about love languages, please GOOGLE!

My top one is Acts of Service so I tend to want to help out or serve others as how I give love because that’s how I receive, forgetting the fact that that’s not everyone’s love language.  There is also Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time and Giving Gifts.

So assuming that doing things for others should communicate how I feel about them is the reason I think I may not have had much luck with building strong relationships. I learned that the hard way over the past couple of months. It is important to learn also how our friends and families receive love without assuming what that they should know or that our way is the best and only way to give love. 

Lami Phillips, the songstress, said in a post on her Instagram, “In the absence of knowledge, people assume”. Even though, it may not be our fault what people assume about us or our actions and intentions. It is our responsibility to sufficiently communicate with people in our lives so that they know as much as we would like them to know to in order to have a healthy relationship.
We need to try our best to ensure that all parties involved are on the same page so that there are no loopholes or allowance for untrue statements.

Priscilla Olaoye Benjamin, the Mental Health Practitioner, noted that we tend to see things the way we are and the way we are often has NOTHING to do with the truth. People may still make wild assumptions about us et al and that is why it is paramount to communicate our thoughts and feelings to them… That’s all anyone can really ask of you.

You, yes you, ask questions if you are unclear about anything. Nobody ever learned anything without asking. Do not be like me and think your folks should know as that is not always the case.

So start the conversation today!!!!
Ask all the questions, share the information to help build a healthier better relationship with the amazing people in our lives

#Dazzal